Home  |  Services  |  About Us  |  Contact  | 

 

Uber and Under

[<< Go Uber and Under.]
 
 
World's Electronics Stop Working Because Maxwell Forgot to Carry a 1
 

In what has become a crisis of global proportions, all electronics suddenly stopped working on Monday when research physicist Vladimir Dishenko discovered an error in the fundamental equations that govern electromagnetism.
 
Maxwell's EquationsDishenko, a contract researcher with the Umlaut Institute of Physics and Mathematics, was reviewing the equations when he noticed something out of the ordinary: Maxwell forgot to carry a "1" in the calculation of his first equation.
 
"Maxwell’s Equations," four equations published by James Clerk Maxwell in 1861, dictate how electronic and magnetic fields interact and provide the basis for all modern electronics.
 
"Ordinarily, I don’t review others' work such as this," Dishenko remarked. "But the equations seemed to be off ever so slightly. As I looked more deeply at the work, it suddenly struck me: Maxwell forgot to carry the '1' when he added the numbers in the tens column in his calculations."
 
Upon discovering that the equations were no longer correct, all electronics immediately complied with the new results and shut themselves down. "I would have gone back and tried to correct the errors,” Dishenko claimed, “but my law-abiding computer shut itself down."
 
Physicists around the world are now scrambling to find a correction. Possible options include adding a Dark Matter Factor (DMF) to skew the equations back to the original result, sending a probe through a wormhole and back to the Big Bang to tweak the origins of electromagnetic forces, or simply putting the 1 back into the equation and hoping that no one notices.
 
Since discovering this error, Dishenko has moved to pursue his longtime passion: astronomy. Working on an abacus due to the failure of his computer, he is currently demonstrating that the orbit of Halley’s Comet was never correctly predicted, that it should have impacted the Earth and caused a new ice age at its last visit in 1986. If his orbital revisions prove correct, the belated global ice sheet will reach the New York area tomorrow.
 



Uber And UnderThe written content on this page has been created by Brad Dinerman and Fieldbrook Solutions. Reproduction of this content, in part or in its entirety, is forbidden under United States copyright law without the express written consent of the author. Permission is granted, however, to link to the content.