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Uber and Under

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Uranus Sick and Tired of Being the Butt of Jokes
 

UranusUranus has had it. "Enough is enough!", the planetary body exclaimed during a recent interview of the celestial bodies. "All the other planets have respectable names. Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars roll off the tongue. But why on earth... hey, I just made a pun... anyway, why would the ancients have named me Uranus? Couldn’t they have seen what would happen with that?"
 
As any student in an English-speaking elementary school knows, Uranus has the unfortunate position of being the butt of many jokes.
 
"Hey, Uranus is as big as the moon," is an oldie but goodie that frequently brings the gas giant to tears. "Yeah, the jokes are bad enough, but calling me a gas giant just adds insult to injury," added the seventh of eight planets to its list of grievances. "It’s as bad as putting me first in a list, right after the colon."
 
When asked, as part of this interview, if it would like to have its name changed, Uranus responded that it didn’t really mind the name so much, given that Uranus was the powerful Greek god of the sky, but would prefer instead that it have a major pronunciation change to offset centuries of torture. "Let's start pronouncing my name as You're-a-noose. At least that will cut back on the  humiliation."
 
Other planets generally agreed that Uranus was suffering unfairly. "Yeah, Uranus must really burn. Not only does it have that name to contend with," quoted Jupiter, "but it suffers in other areas as well. It doesn’t have the vibrant colors of Terra, or Earth as they call it down there, and it doesn't get to wear bling like Saturn. But at least it's not some Mickey Mouse planet like Pluto. Don't get me started on that imposter."
 
At the close of the interview, Uranus expressed its interest in the gods of other nations and empires as well as those of the Greeks. "I loved the Egyptian gods. They were a hoot. Ra was always a true cheerleader when we looked down on human sporting events. Nut was totally crazy. And Osiris and Anubis would always pal around together. I swear they will be the death of me. They would even give all the other gods nicknames. They used to call me The Sphinxter. Oh, wait a minute, I just got that..."
 
 


Uber And UnderThe written content on this page has been created by Brad Dinerman and Fieldbrook Solutions. Reproduction of this content, in part or in its entirety, is forbidden under United States copyright law without the express written consent of the author. Permission is granted, however, to link to the content.